I did something spontaneous...and didn't combust!

It’s been a while since my last post - who knew retirement could be so relentlessly busy! The main reason is because I lost my blogging space while we redecorated the kitchen. Anyhow…

I'm a worry gut...

Anyone who knows me appreciates that I am probably the world's least spontaneous person. The closest I come is an impulse purchase of a cuddly jumper if I am out in cold weather. That said, I usually get home and decide to return it because I'm not cold any more!

I have a need to plan, making sure I have dotted ‘i’s and crossed 't’s.  This affords me many opportunities to worry, stress and wish I wasn't doing the thing that I planned in the first place. This mindset applies equally to holidays, big purchases or, in that former life of mine, lesson ideas.

Last Monday evening I had a message from a friend asking if I wanted her two spare tickets for the ATP Tennis Finals the following Wednesday. Now during the summer I had fleetingly thought that I would love to go to the ATP Finals, but didn't do anything about it. Now, faced with this unexpected opportunity, I immediately replied... ‘Sorry, a bit too short notice for me.’ What my friend said next kept me awake half that night.

Food for thought!

I tossed and turned worrying that I would be missing out, and okay, I could go next year, but what if I died in the mean time (I know…that’s how I roll!) I was still awake at 4am, stressing about the fact that my need to plan ahead was preventing me from doing something that I would undoubtedly love - what planning did it need? Go, enjoy, return! 

Having given myself a severe talking to, when I woke up, I immediately messaged my friend asking if she still had the tickets. One brief encounter at Asda later, I had the tickets in my hot little hand, and the strangest thing happened. I wasn't stressed or worried, I was actually excited and looking forward to seeing a professional tennis match for the first time in my life.

Apparently so spontaneous, no time to shave!

So we went off on our great adventure, and had a brilliant day - first tennis match and it was Andy Murray no less. 

Let's go Andy, let's go!

The atmosphere was fab and I was so excited I spent an inordinate amount of money on a T shirt - just to prove I was there! 

Bragging rights t-shirt!

But the best thing was that feeling of disbelief that we were in the O2, watching something amazing when, two days earlier, we had no idea we would be there. And I proved to myself that I can be spontaneous and that, if you’re going to worry, you may as well worry about doing something rather than worry about not doing something and missing out. 

For most people, this wouldn't have been a big thing, but for me it has been huge. Watch out world - I might be coming for you!! 

Help - I'm on Holiday!

Sometimes it has to be done!

I'm in Cornwall. On holiday. In term time. How strange. At this point I should remind you all that I am risk averse. Now a holiday in Cornwall may not seem particularly extreme in terms of risk, but I stress so much about things, that going away from home is quite nightmarish for me. Will the accommodation be okay? Will the journey be incident free and safe? Will it rain every day?
Logically I know that these are not things that should cause any sane person serious amounts of angst, but being away from home is not comfortable for me.
My husband says,'But you booked it!' And this is invariably the case. People expect you to like holidays. And I like the idea of holidays, and really want to embrace them. So I book cottages and gites, and look forward to seeing new places. And then it's time to go...
My family and friends love holidays - they all go off to exotic destinations without a second thought. And I really wish I could do the same, but the thought of an airport, let alone an aeroplane...ugh! I have just about learned to cope with a ferry terminal and a boat!
In the run up to my retirement, everyone asked what my plans were and talked about all the term time holidays I would be able to have. I joined in and discussed the endless possibilities, too embarrassed to be able to admit that I'd rather stay at home!
In my defence, it's in my genes - my lovely Mum was just the same. My Dad had travelled the world during the war, and wanted to share new places with her, but Mum was less than enamoured of this. She would always say that, given the choice, she would happily stay at home.

Once I am actually on holiday, and the accommodation is fine, we got there safely and it isn't raining everyday, I usually enjoy myself. After all, I do book some lovely places to visit!

Lovely place in Cornwall

But I do wish that I could be more adventurous. It feels ridiculous that I am limiting my experiences to such a degree. Maybe, as I get even older and there's absolutely no point in avoiding risk, I'll fly around the world in search of new adventures. Or maybe I'll satisfy myself with a Cornish Pasty and a cream tea!

Ten Things I Won't Miss...

Miscellaneous Cr*p!

So, this is strange. Until now, I felt as if I was on summer break, and I hadn't really thought about September. Now it’s here. My former colleagues have endured two training days, and parents are preparing their children for the new term starting in the morning (also stocking up on gin and cake in order to celebrate, I suspect!) On Thursday, I actually felt quite unwell. Nothing specific, but a general malaise. By the end of the day, I’d become convinced that my brain was telling my body that, if I wasn't going to work, then I must be ill! 

Time to get a grip, and remind myself of some of the things I won’t miss about work in general, and teaching in particular. I promise I’ll stop when I get to ten!

#1: The Alarm: Oh how lovely not to have to set my alarm at ridiculous o’clock unless I want to!

#2: The Sunday Night Groan: There is usually an archetypal mindless serial that I secretly enjoy, but my enjoyment has been always been tempered by the knowledge that it means it’s Sunday, which is inexorably followed by Monday…groan

#3: Weekend Activity Avoidance: I was always reluctant to commit to doing things at the weekend, because I needed the time to recoup from the previous week, and prepare for the following one. Now, I can happily enjoy having my grandchildren, visiting my daughter, even doing the housework, safe in the knowledge that I can recover on Monday, or even Tuesday for that matter!

#4: Wishing my Time Away: In common with most teachers, I marked my time according to how many weeks I had to plan for, and then ticking the weeks off until the next break. Now I can live for the moment, and am already losing track of the days - although that could be dementia, not sure

#5: Assembly: Apart from my legendary Red Nose Day Assemblies, which took months to plan, I hated delivering assemblies. They came around so quickly, and were always so difficult to make relevant to the pupils at my school. The only good thing about them was that they were on Friday afternoons…back to wishing my time away!

#6: Safeguarding: Part of my role was to deliver the legally required Safeguarding Training to staff. There is no way to sugar this particular pill and looking at staff faces as they grimaced their way through yet another serious case review is something that I am very glad I will no longer have to endure

#7: Work Clothes: The first thing I did at the end of term was bag up all my work clothes and take them to the clothing bank. Now I just have clothes!

#8: Planning: I actually enjoyed planning, and always tried to make learning for my pupils as relevant as possible. What I won’t miss though is all the times when my meticulous planning went horribly wrong - either due to technology failure, forgetting a key resource, not trying out an activity first or just because some days in my room were not conducive to learning!

#9: Playground Duty: Despite the fact that I was a Senior Manager, I never managed to avoid playground duty, and I never managed to not hate it either. If it was hot, there was no shade and the kids got tetchy, if it was cold, it was just cold! Runny noses, blue fingers…and that was just me. I had a hideous playground coat, the pockets of which slowly filled with miscellaneous cr*p. I could provide you with bubbles, twiddles, counters for your reward card or a strange cow finger puppet. Strangely I never, ever had a clean tissue, only a snotty one! Definitely will not miss that!

#10: Constant Stress: Those of you that know me, or have read my previous blog posts, will not be surprised to hear that I am prone to stressing out about many, no, most things. At work I constantly put pressure on myself to sort things out, be a support to other staff, do the best for my pupils and not make myself look a total idiot in the process. I lay awake worrying most nights, and had post-shingles itching for an entire year. My husband says that I am already noticeably less unsettled, and much calmer. I’m really hoping that, as time goes on, I can learn to relax and enjoy not having to be in control

So there you have it, ten things I will not miss about going to work. I could easily have written a longer list of the things I will miss, but the past few weeks have shown me that I can enjoy and embrace this new phase of my life, and the important bits - friends and family - will still be with me!