Friday 28 October 2016

Making a Connection - Cheap Thrill: #11

Making a connection!
Since my retirement, my hubby and I have been at odds, at various times, over the most ridiculous things. I have to admit that these times have been largely of my making, as I continue to come to terms with this massive change in my life.
However, regardless of how cross or agitated I feel, it all goes away the second he takes my hand in his. This simple gesture makes me feel loved, protected and cared for - not emotions that I have always experienced as an adult. If for any reason we can’t hold hands, there is a kind of ‘disconnect’ that troubles us both, and just feels weird. Equally, if I pull away from the gesture, he knows he is in big trouble!!
Holding hands is a basic human instinct - we are thrilled when our babies first clutch at our fingers, and whenever there is a perceived danger, you hear parents saying, ‘Hold my hand!’, implying that it will keep them safe. 
When I was at work, we spent considerable time and effort as the students got older, teaching them to link arms instead of holding hands. It is such an intimate gesture that, while we clearly needed to keep them safe, holding hands with a student in their teens just seems inappropriate and somehow wrong.

Such good friends!
This week we took my grand-daughter and my great niece out for the day. Although there is almost a three year age difference, they get on really well, and ran off together, holding hands. They didn't need to, but they just wanted to make that connection. And when they want to connect with me - they reach for my hand and it is the most wonderful feeling, when you take the time to appreciate it.

The best feeling...

So, this week’s Cheap Thrill is hand holding. We all do it, whether it's with one of our children or grandchildren, with our partners and loved ones, but take a moment to appreciate how it makes you feel - safe, loved, protected: joy, pure joy!

Sunday 23 October 2016

Adventures in Dough!

I love bread. Whenever I have been trying to lose weight, it has always grieved me that the first thing to go is bread, although to be honest, its not the bread, its the butter and cheese that I have with it that challenges my many and various bids for a sylphlike figure! 
Anyway, bread. I have always enjoyed baking with yeast, but this has usually been limited to making my own hot cross buns at Easter. During my career break, when the children were small, I did bake most of my own bread, but I always remember it being worthy, wholemeal loaves that didn’t always rise, but that we ate anyway!

New book!
As part of my retirement basket of goodies, my daughter gave me Brilliant Bread by James Morton and it’s reignited my passion for baking my own loaves. I started at the beginning (a very good place to start) and made the first loaf in the book. It was a genius recipe that involved lots of time waiting for the dough to rise, but minimal kneading and faffing about. James Morton is not a lover of faff, and this makes his recipes relatively simple to follow.
My first baking success
My first loaf was amazing and I thought I had this bread business cracked…then I baked another loaf, following exactly the same recipe. Disaster! Not a taste disaster, but it stuck, wouldn't slice and, although we devoured it while it was still warm, would never have passed muster as a loaf of bread!

My second baking...

I was a little disheartened, but persevered, and when my daughter sent me photos of the bread she had made on a french bakery course, I determined to prove myself (little baking joke there!) and had a go at baguettes. Unfortunately I mis-read James Morton’s recipe and, having made his ‘poolish’ pre ferment, realised that it used a sourdough starter that I didn't have. If I’d only done as he suggested and worked through the book from the beginning instead of jumping ahead, I would have known what to do, but I hadn’t, so I didn’t. Suffice to say that following about three different recipes from the internet does not produce professional baguettes! Again, they were tasty and we very much enjoyed them dipped in home made soup, but no self respecting Frenchman would have carried one home under his arm!

Bamber - our faithful, frothy friend
Undeterred, I decided to try making a sourdough starter. Sourdough is, after all, the holy grail of breads, and how hard can it be?! I followed the instructions to the letter, even the bit that says to tip 75% of the mix away after two days, and now have a jar of bubbling, fermenting stuff. As it needs feeding and nurturing I felt it had to have a name - it’s like my surrogate child! After much deliberation, we decided on Bamber, as he’s our ‘starter for’, oh well, never mind! 
I then went out and bought rye flour, semolina, a proving basket and a lame, for cutting the top of the dough. Up until that point, I’d intended ‘baking bread’ to be a cheap thrill. £15 later, I thought maybe not!
Last night I used 100grams of Bamber in the dough for a Pain de Campagne. After kneading (in my Kitchenaid, I can not tell a lie, because I was trying to watch Strictly at the same time!)I did the windowpane test, just like on the Bake Off, and left the dough in the fridge overnight.

New proving basket
This morning, I shaped it, proved it again in my new basket, and baked it. I felt so proud when I got it out of the oven, smelling delicious, and so crusty! 
Crusty!
I suppose we should have eaten it with a baked Camembert for authenticity, but we had Stilton instead. Yummy.

Yummy!
I haven't progressed to a loaf that uses only the sourdough starter as a raising agent, but in time I’m sure I will. In the meantime, there’s an interesting Marmite Bread that I might try next…

So baking bread is a luxury that I can enjoy because I am retired - poor Bamber wouldn't have survived a nanosecond this time last year - and having the time to indulge myself, and my family is, I have to admit, ever so slightly wonderful!

Friday 14 October 2016

Gloop - Cheap Thrill: #10


On Monday I read an interview with Shirley, creator of Muse Retreats, in which she talks, amongst many things, about how adults lose the confidence to play and be creative that they once had as children (thank you The Salted Tail, for the post!)
This morning I had coffee with a friend, and we were discussing our various creative pursuits. She has recently started pottery classes and said something I found really interesting: ‘With sewing you start with fabric, with knitting you start with wool, but with pottery, you just start with, well, mud!’ And its true. The form your creation takes needn't follow rules or a set pattern, it can just grow from your imagination. And if you don't like it, you can scrunch it up and start again. How liberating!

The calm before...the five year olds!
It got me thinking about my grandchildren’s recent birthday party. It was in the village hall, and my daughter-in-law had hired in someone to set up a circuit of crafting and messy play activities. The children were completely absorbed and it was strangely calm for a 2 and 5 year olds birthday party! After a while, though, the children moved away to throw, kick and whop each other with balloons, but their parents…they continued to be completely absorbed. Squishing play dough, pouring water through funnels onto drowning dinosaurs, listening to beans and lentils tipping through plastic pipes into metal dishes and, best of all, exploring the strange and seemingly magical properties of ‘gloop’. If the adults there had thought about what they were doing - indulging in sensory, messy play - they probably would have quickly become self-conscious and embarrassed. But because they were ostensibly there with their children, it didn't matter, and they had a lovely, messy time.


Gloop!

So this week’s Cheap Thrill - mix 2 or 3 tablespoons of cornflour with about the same amount of water and play with it. It defies belief the way this mixture behaves.  

I know there is a rational scientific explanation (thixotropy, apparently) but ignore that - its magic! Gloop…joy, pure joy!

Tuesday 11 October 2016

Deleting a Piece of my Soul - Photomarathon Sheffield Adventures


Last weekend we went up to Sheffield to visit my daughter. We needed to take her birthday presents, but the reason for going this particular weekend was so we could take part in Photomarathon Sheffield
My daughter and I were so excited that we’d each got one of the 150 places available and, although we weren’t exactly sure of what it would involve, we were reasonably confident that running 26 miles wasn't going to be part of the requirements! Hubby was coming along for the ride (fortunately, as will be revealed later) and we headed to the city centre to register.

Love a badge!
We were given a badge - exciting - and a copy of the rules. Then, like the the keen photographers that we  are, we headed to the nearest coffee establishment for brunch…I mean, to plan our day! 
Incidentally, if you are ever in Sheffield, Tamper Coffee is THE coolest place you will ever find, and served probably the best coffee I have ever tasted. Food was delicious too. 

Them's the rules!
Anyway, we perused the rules over our coffee. We had to take pictures related to six topics - not a problem, so we thought - but when we had finished, the last six pictures on our memory card would be submitted. That meant that, realistically, we would have to shoot the topics in the order given, and then choose one for each category and delete the rest. We decided we would allow 40 minutes for each topic, and then have half an hour to decide which photos to keep. 

I think all that water is making a noise...

We set about topic 1: Making Shapes. Then my daughter’s borrowed camera went wrong…cue annoyance, stress, lots of ‘I’ll just try it again’, more annoyance, emergency phone calls and, eventually, the decision to use hubby’s camera (good job he came along!) Crisis averted, we continued to look for shapes in the environment, trying to be creative and not too literal.


Topic 1: Making Shapes

Suddenly, the 40 minutes was up - time for topic 2: Making a Noise. How do you photograph that? Somehow a photo of an intruder alarm didn't cut it! 

Topic 2: Making a Noise

We wandered around the city, clicking away, then - ‘Time’s up, topic 3: Making History’ - ‘Time’s up, topic 4: Making a Meal’


Topic 3: Making History

At this point we headed to an indoor market, where we got completely distracted by haberdasheries, sari stalls and miniature succulents! 


Topic 4: Making a Meal

Then the battery on the replacement camera ran out. Luckily my ‘be prepared’ although not an ex boy scout of a husband had his charger, so we stopped for coffee and used the opportunity to do some photo pruning. It was incredibly difficult, knowing that, to get to the final six pictures, I would have to delete, yes, delete photos that I quite liked but just didn’t fulfil the brief. The hardest ones were some of my daughter randomly playing the piano on Sheffield station. It felt like deleting a little bit of her. 
We managed to whittle the photos so far down to about three in each category and, battery charged, continued with topic 5: Making Connections. 

Topic 5: Making Connections

Both of us got our ‘money shot’ quite quickly and moved onto the final topic 6: Making Faces. Ugh - this was the hardest of all. How many times do you look at something and see a face in it - door knobs, drain covers. In fact my nephew has a whole instagram feed #Iseefaceseverywhere. Not in Sheffield he wouldn’t. Nothing, nada, zilch. We wandered around, aimlessly gazing at benches, road markings, reflections until, ‘Time’s up - time to choose your final six’ 

Topic 6: Making Faces - not sure it fits the brief, but my favourite of the six

We ignored my husband’s constant muttering about cake, and headed back to the Winter Gardens, where we sat on a bench and went through our photos. There was much ‘Which is best? This one or this one? I don’t like that one. Well I do, so I’m ignoring you’ and some seriously regretful deletions. We eventually succeeded in selecting the six photos to submit, and handed over our memory cards. Done. There is an exhibition of all of the photographs submitted at the Millennium Gallery in November. A good excuse, as if I needed one, to visit my girlie again. It will be intriguing to see how other people interpreted the topics, and see how our efforts compared. The photos included in this post are my final six. I'd be interested to know what you think!

Roll on next year!

Honestly, the most difficult part of this challenge, and it was a challenge, was not taking the photos, but choosing the favourite, and deleting the rest. In this age of digital photography, we are click happy, and rarely consider the merits of the images we accrue - they sit there up in the cloud, in their infinite naffness, taking up space but largely ignored. Only when we get an email warning us about our available capacity do we revisit and cull the accidental photos of our crotch or the selfie that, seriously, no one should ever view. It’s kind of ironic that, in this throw away and largely secular society we still secretly feel that throwing away a photo is like throwing away a little piece of someone’s soul.

Tuesday 4 October 2016

Run, Jillikins, Run!: Cheap Thrill #9


Run, Jillikins, Run!

I have never been able to run. When I was a child, I suppose I could, but as an adult, never. Even as a teenager I viewed cross country lessons at school as a good opportunity to take the art teacher’s dog for a walk.
So it may come as something of a surprise to you that I have chosen running as this week’s Cheap Thrill. 
Two years ago I was searching for a way of getting fit, having lost some weight but knowing that I still wasn't particularly healthy. I discovered the Couch to 5K programme and thought I’d give it a go.  I used the treadmill at work and slowly began to discover that I could run. I even took part in a couple of Park Runs, although I have to say I didn't particularly enjoy them - as soon as I’m with other people, I put myself under pressure to keep up, forgetting that most of them are under 40, and I’m, well, not!
As with many ventures, life got in the way, and pressure of time meant that I could only realistically run once a week. This led to my fitness levels dropping, and I stopped enjoying it and then - I just stopped.


So pink!
I was determined that, once I retired, I would start to run again, and dusted off my trainers, my lycra (!) and my podcasts. I have determinedly run three times a week, starting from the beginning of the 9 week Couch to 5K programme. And this morning I completed it! Woohoo! OK, strictly speaking, for me it’s more like Couch to 4.2K, but I can now run, non- stop, for 30 minutes.
The great thing is that now I can continue to run three times a week, without feeling that I should be doing something else. Maybe retirement isn’t so bad after all!
I have a strange relationship with running, in that I enjoy it most when I stop, but it gives me a chance to challenge myself, clear my head, think about random things to blog about, say ‘Good morning’ to lots of dog walkers, and occasionally overtake a mobility scooter!

Go for it - you might like it!Couch to 5K
So if you think you can’t run, but feel you’d like to try, give Couch to 5K a go - you may surprise yourself. I know I have.
So there we have it this week’s Cheap Thrill. 
Cheap? Certainly, if you have a pair of trainers, the podcasts are free to download and really supportive.

It's lovely when you stop!
Thrilling? Yes, when you stop! And exercising regularly means that I get to eat cake and drink gin - oh, the joy!

Saturday 1 October 2016

Navel gazing and not light-hearted. Sorry!

Today I have officially been retired one month, so I thought I’d consider how I feel about it.

Balloon's deflated now...
Where to start? Well, the feeling of being on holiday has waned, and reality is beginning to sink in. I kind of feel distanced from reality, in that nothing seems to relate to me any more. My friends and former colleagues talk on the Book of Face about being peed off on a Sunday, or post cryptic references to work day stresses (they’re all too professional to name names, or be too specific!) and while I empathise, I feel unable to comment as these things don't apply to me now. Am I glad that I’m not facing these anxieties? Of course, but I find I am facing anxieties of a different kind. 
I hadn’t realised how much I relied on the approbation and approval of others to make me feel good about myself. Now I’m reduced to checking my Blogger Dashboard to see if anyone is reading my latest posts! 

I like the pointy bit!

I’m unbelievably busy (how did I have time to work?) but with activities that seem essentially self-indulgent. Nothing I do has a measurably positive impact on others, which is tough to take, because I spent my entire working life trying to make a difference to the pupils that I taught, and had the data to show that I was succeeding! (My husband would no doubt argue that me getting out of the house has a very positive impact on him!)
I get genuinely excited when one of my former team asks me for ideas and advice - it polishes up my ego just a little - and I can quickly lose myself in thinking about how I would solve a problem, what activities I would choose, and what resources I would need. I’m happy to help, but a bit of me is regretful that I’m not delivering sessions myself. It’s those bits of teaching that I sorely miss - not the pressure of meeting targets, preparing for Ofsted, or dealing with the day to day problems of life in a school.
Everybody tells me that it takes time to adjust, and this is undoubtedly true. Retirement is a major life change, after all, and a month is no time at all. I just wish I could enjoy the indulgences that everyone wished for me, and value myself for myself. 

Indulgences!
Maybe then I would be able to embrace new opportunities, however self-indulgent, without feeling that I should be volunteering in a rat infested hell hole wearing sack-cloth and ashes!

I'm sure my navel's here somewhere..
Who knows, maybe one day I’ll write a post entitled ‘Sod It!’ Fingers crossed, and watch this space!