The worst walk ever!

These boots are made for...

My husband belongs to a walking group that was started by his sister. Every Monday morning they explore paths around their part of Norfolk at, it is fair to say, a suitably gentle pace. It is also fair to say that the litheness of the group’s collective minds pretty much outstrips that of their bodies.

Given my ongoing knee problems, my usual Monday morning tennis games have been non-existent since the Spring, so Brain (as he is lovingly known by my children) suggested I go for a walk with his group. He promised me a gentle stroll, by the river, with coffee at the pub at the other end. After much persuasion, and in the spirit of saying ‘yes’ to more things, I agreed to give it a whirl.

There now follows an account of said walk. I have changed the names to protect the innocent…

We set off from Surlingham Church along the Wherryman’s Way. The sun was shining, the company was good and all was well with the World.

Incredible house!

We passed an incredible house with, ironically, a tennis court in the garden, and walked towards the river. Jean and Deirdre strode ahead, while others stopped to admire wild flowers, birds and the general vista. (I was still admiring the house with the tennis court...) We reached a small bridge, where the path forked. Jean and Deirdre crossed and continued their progress through, what looked to me like a reed bed. I waited for reassurance, not convinced that this was the way we had to go. But it was.

I ploughed on to find that Deirdre had stopped in front of me and seemed in some distress. She had stepped onto an unstable plank of wood and was quietly having a panic attack, trying to steady herself by holding onto the reeds at either side of her - reeds that were very thin and waving in the breeze! Jean and I tried to help, but she needed a man. Or Brain. He managed to take her shaking hands and help her across the plank, and she recovered enough to continue.

Not what we were promised!

We were all relieved to reach the river and looked forward to continuing our promised gentle stroll - through brambles, six foot high nettles and buzzy midges! By this time, Bea had become completely distracted by the ripening blackberries and, in the absence of a bag to put them in, was filling the removable hood of her buff coloured jacket!

Distracted by blackberries!

Our progress was ridiculously slow, and we were getting stung and poked and bitten. Not gentle, not gentle at all! Fortunately, my ever-prepared, never a boy scout, husband had his folding secateurs in his pocket, so he went ahead carving as bramble and nettle free path as he could. 

My hero!

Although this was an improvement, I was concentrating so hard on looking towards my feet to avoid twisting my knee that I missed a low hanging branch and cracked my head. To say that, at this point, I was quite unhappy is an understatement. We tried to laugh about it, joking about feeling like David Bellamy exploring the undergrowth, but it really wasn't that funny.

Here we are, in the undergrowth...©express.com

Bea’s hat was dripping blackberry juice and had been dyed an interesting shade of purple, Brain’s legs were ripped to shreds, everyone was stung to b*ggery and I had an egg on my head!

Eventually our band of intrepid explorers emerged and reached the pub. Sitting there was George, a perpetual latecomer to the group, fresh as a daisy. Asking him if he'd driven to the pub, he told us that he’d walked…how strange. Turns out there’s a quick way, through the trees - no nettles, no brambles, no midges. Aaaaaagh!

We did enjoy a coffee by the river - although some of our group complained about its quality, cost, size - and while everyone was inside ordering their drinks, I enjoyed a quiet moment and saw a kingfisher flying down the river. Not that anyone believed me…

Suitably refreshed, we walked back - the quick way - re-admiring the beautiful house on the way, and got back to our cars in about a quarter of the time, leaving a trail of blackberry juice as we passed.

Still amazing!

Then the shout went up, “Brain, Jean’s got a puncture!” Oh God, all I wanted to do was go home and find some antihistamine cream, but we had to faff about trying to find her spare wheel and then access it. This was a miserable failure, as it was underneath the car and the restraining bolt just refused to budge. Never mind, Jean was in a rescue service. She didn't have her card, or her debit card, and she’d never made a call on her clamshell mobile, but she was in a rescue service! 

Not one I'd ever heard of, but yay, a rescue service!

Eventually she got through and explained, with eight of us listening, that she was an elderly lady on her own in the middle of nowhere! We were satisfied that she would be okay and there were enough people to stay with her, so we took our leave, dropping Bea and her hood-full of blackberries off on the way. 

As we drove through the villages on the way back, we noticed what we managed to convince ourselves was a community speed camera…until a ticket dropped onto our doorstep on Saturday.

Meh - at least I wasn't driving...

It really was the worst walk ever. I’m writing this on a Monday morning - both of us decided we wouldn't go this week.

Important update: Bea washed her hood and it is back to its buff-coloured best!

Cheap Thrill #14: A Walk on the Wild Side

Every year, during the months of November to February and about 15 miles north of where we live, Grey Seals use the beach to breed. It has became one of nature’s spectacles, drawing visitors in their hundreds, if not thousands. And that, dear reader, is probably why I’ve never been before…the only times available to me were weekends or the Christmas holidays. Not only did I jealously guard these free times, I also knew that everyone else went to see the seals then and, whilst I can just about bear queueing for a theme park ride, queueing to view a natural event seems a shade perverse. 

Glorious Norfolk skies - the best in the World!

However, lest it escaped your notice, I am now retired! So, having checked the weather forecast, this morning we ventured forth. Bear in mind that not only is this the tail end of the breeding season, but also the Norfolk coast has recently suffered a combination of a tidal surge and high winds, so we were not all that hopeful of seeing anything of note. Undeterred, we paid and displayed and set off to the first ‘Seal Viewpoint’, or more accurately ‘Sand and Sea Viewpoint’. Nothing, nada, zilch, not a hint of a fur coat, and the warden told us that many seals had disappeared during the tidal surge. 

Still, the sun was shining, the Norfolk sky was incredible and we were already togged up for the winter, so we decided to continue to the next viewing point, some 25 minutes further along the path. When we climbed to the top of the steps to reach the summit of the dunes, I saw a couple of lumps on the sand, which we eventually established were grey seals. However, so still were they that I convinced myself that they were dead, until hubby spotted the flick of a flipper. Even so, not exactly mind blowing.

Those rocks are moving!

We walked a bit further and realised that the ‘rocks’ behind the actual rocks were a heaving mass of grey seals, rolling around, hauling themselves in and out of the water and generally chilling in the sun! How exciting! The warden at the official viewing point was talking to another visitor and, as we approached, she indicated that we should be quiet and turn to look behind us. 

Sooo cute!

And there, in the grass, no more than 10 feet away was a baby seal. This evoked in me the sort of noises that I usual reserve for news items about baby pandas and marmosets. Not exactly David Attenborough’s style, but it was completely involuntary! The warden explained that this weaned pup had been up on the dunes since the weekend, and would only move once its hunger had reached the point of needing to go and fish. Interestingly, seal’s aren’t taught by their mothers to fish. Once they  are weaned, they are left to starve until their instinct to feed takes over. 

Waiting for the hunger to kick in...

As we stood taking photos and chatting, we noticed that the pup had started to move and we watched as he struggled to make his way across the dunes towards the beach and the sea. 

Nature at my fingertips!

We were so close, I just couldn't believe it. He even stopped to read all about himself on the noticeboard, which the warden and I found hilarious!

It says here that I'm a grey seal

As we walked back to the car, I was left reflecting how amazing nature is - those seals mate five weeks after they have given birth (I know!!!), but the fertilised eggs are not released into the womb until 12 weeks later, so the pregnancy of nine months coincides with their winter break on the Norfolk coast! Incredible. 

So today, I have enjoyed a lovely walk in the fresh air and sunshine, I have learned an awful lot more about grey seals than I knew before and I have had sufficient ‘sooo cute’ moments to last me at least until the lambs start leaping around the fields. Joy, pure joy!

Cheap Thrill #13: A Winter Walk - lucky for us!

So Christmas is over, I feel fat and sluggish and kind of down. Even though I haven't had the ‘joy’ of going back to work, I’m still experiencing that post Christmas malaise that is unique to January. Time for a cheap thrill methinks.

Definitely made for walking!

On Thursday I should have played tennis, but for the second week running, the courts were frozen solid. In serious need of some fresh air, I dragged my husband on a winter walk. We are lucky enough to live in an amazing part of the world, where we have the choice of both countryside and coast. 

Dangerous sausage rolls nearby!

If we walk along the beach, we usually end up in a fine cafe, eating sausage rolls so, in the interest of our waistlines, we opted for a countryside walk.

Much safer option!

Burgh Castle is just a short drive away and has a lovely circular walk, with some glorious views. As my husband is a volunteer guide there, it also affords him many opportunities to display his extensive knowledge of the Romans and their engineering feats! Despite this, it really is an enjoyable way to spend an hour or so. 

I think the view across to the Berney Arms Mill is one of my all time favourites, and a marsh harrier swooped across as we were standing near the river - stunning.

Stunning view with important added life philosophy!

It wasn't a long or strenuous walk, just beautiful and calming. I felt so much better when we came home, especially as we rewarded ourselves with home made soup and hot drinks! 

Not any old reward, a hygge reward!

So, if you are feeling jaded, drag yourself out for a walk. Wrap up warm and go. It costs nothing, will blow the cobwebs away, and the thought of hot chocolate when you get home will make it all worth while!