To Boudoir on not to Boudoir? That is the very scary question!

Challenging the perception that old people are serious!

When I started this blog, as well as giving me something to do, I wanted to challenge some perceptions, be they about autism, mental health and wellbeing, self confidence and old age. I’m not sure whether I have succeeded but I have found that I love writing and had the supreme compliment last month when someone said that I didn’t know her, but she felt that she knew me, because she had read my blog!

An opportunity has recently arisen for me to challenge people’s perceptions of old age in a new, and frankly scary way. I’ve agreed to take part in a ‘boudoir’ photo shoot. For those of you who don't know what that is (my husband needed it explained) boudoir photography is a style of photography consisting of intimate portraits of women, intended for limited viewing. So, I’m getting my kit off, in front of a camera. I’m hoping that it will give me some confidence in how I look, and be, in some way, empowering. At the moment, however, I couldn't be more terrified if was going wing-walking. It has to be said that my hubby is also a little anxious, although I have reassured him that I won’t be leaving home to follow a new career as a glamour model!

Not scary, not scary at all!
(©www.wingwalkdisplays.co.uk)

Since agreeing to this venture, I have questioned myself as to why I would even consider it - I have never been that happy with wandering around in any other state than fully covered. But maybe it is this that I am trying to overcome. I won’t go swimming because I feel judged by other women (always women, by the way, don't much care about the men), but if I can bring myself to pose in my undies and, more importantly, bear to look at the resulting photographs, I’m hoping it will help my self-confidence. Many women, I know, have boudoir shoots as a gift to their husbands or partners. In my case, it will be a very much more of a personal challenge.

Does my boudoir pass muster???

So, my anxieties…well, for one thing, its happening in my house - is it suitable? Do I need new bed linen? What if I’m judged for my decor?

I have a propensity to make inappropriate comments when I feel embarrassed or awkward - telling the nurse carrying out my mammogram that ‘boobs are a bit like playdough really’ was not a good idea! How will I manage to keep my mouth shut?

So much like play dough...

And don’t get me started on my body…lumps, bumps, muffin tops. How will I appear confident and relaxed? I have spoken to the photographer and he seemed very nice. He’s coming to do a consultation in a couple of weeks and I’m sure he’ll reassure me. 

My knicker drawer - its all grey, so it matches, right?

Then there's underwear. I’m a ‘grab what’s clean sort of woman’ so will definitely need something that at least matches. I’ve looked at various boudoir photos - on Pinterest! Who knew?! - and some women cover up with a shirt or gown, in a less is more kind of way. That’s quite appealing! I suppose if nothing else its an excuse to go shopping.

The next thing on my list of worries, which is probably silly because I’m planning to challenge people’s perceptions, is um, people’s perceptions.

Proud, independent, gin-drinking woman...

I’m a proud independent woman and wonder if people will think less of me for doing something that focusses, ostensibly, on my appearance. Is this what I went to Women’s Rights rallies for in the seventies? Well actually, I suppose it is, in the sense that it’s my body, to do with what I want. But what about my family? My children are fine with it, but my step sons? Their wives? My nephews? Aaagh, I’ve been telling them to read my blog, and now I maybe don't want them to! But I will have autonomy over which pictures I share, so the ‘less is more’ approach will probably, almost definitely, be employed!

As you can see, I’m talking myself in and out of it - I can pull out at any point if I want to. Will I go through with it? Watch this space…