Fit for Purpose!

For as long as I can remember I have thought of myself as fat. As an adult I have yo-yo’d between less fat and more fat, but always fat.

Last week I was looking through my Mum’s old photos and found loads of me as a teenager, at a variety of family weddings. While my first thoughts were, ‘Whatever possessed me to wear THAT!’, the other thing that struck me was I was thin. Really thin. How could this be? I have always been fat.

Cool outfit, right?

As with many other things in life, its about self-perception. I believed myself to be fat, therefore I was fat. One incident from my childhood sticks in my mind. I had been to a choir event, where we had to wear school uniform including ankle socks. As I walked back into class, a boy (who I could name and shame, but won’t) said to his mate, ‘Look at her legs - they’re like cart-horses!’ I was mortified, and didn’t wear a skirt from choice for many, many years. Who knows how many other times my peers made similar comments. These, alongside photos of the beautiful people in my teen mags, mean that I went through my teens feeling as if my body was letting me down, not good enough and this continued into adulthood.

Not fat - really not fat!

Last week I also had a pre-diabetic check. The good news was my blood test came back as normal and my blood pressure was fine, so I have obviously wrested my body back from the brink of diabetes, which is where it was last April. Despite this, I have also put on weight. Bugger. 

The thing is I love food. For me it is a joyous part of my life, one that I share with all my family. My daughter and I share recipes, ideas and photos of food all the time. My son is a brilliant cook, who makes amazing pies, cookies and brownies. My husband is also an amazing cook and we share the cooking duties pretty equally now I have retired. For me food is more than something to stop hunger, it is about nurturing, nourishing and showing that I care. I love feeding people. I also love eating…

I just love food!

Those of you that don’t know me personally are probably imagining an enormous blob with a keyboard propped on their quivering belly. I can assure you this is not the case. I’m not thin, but I have finally come to realise that I am not fat either. Yes, I have ‘muffin tops’ that I would prefer weren’t there, and I have a section of my wardrobe that I don't visit very often, but in the main I am happier with my body now than I have ever been. I’ve been slimmer but I’ve also been bigger. I have size 12, size 14 and size 16 clothes that all fit me - what’s that about?! I recently bought my first ever pair of Levis, and because they just have a random waist size I have no idea what UK size that equates to - I just know that they fit, they are comfy and so, so cool!

I just love them...

Finally, after 61 years, I have accepted my body for what it is. I will probably lose a bit of weight with the spring and summer as I consume more salads than dumplings, but that could well be balanced out with increased Pimms consumption! None of my family and friends judge me for my looks, but I have long judged myself - harshly on many occasions - as a result of throwaway comments in my past and unrealistic images of how I felt I was supposed to look. We need to be so careful how we talk to our children and teenagers. We may think we are being flippant and funny, but I know, from bitter experience, the impact comments like ‘chubby chops’ can have. Children need to know that people come in all shapes and sizes - the valuable bit is what's inside.

My chops may be chubby, but don't keep telling me!

Whatever shape it is, my body seems to be fit for purpose. It allows me to play tennis, garden and chase around after my grandchildren. I think I manage to look stylish too, and hopefully will continue to do so into my dotage!

Stylish, and fit for purpose!