Sunday 22 October 2017

Every Little Thing's Gonna Be Alright...

Who isn't grateful for half price ice-cream?

For the past week or so, I’ve been joining in with the Salted Tail’s ‘Grateful Bedtime Stories'. It involves creating an Instagram ‘story’ listing three things you are grateful for on that particular day, just before you go to bed. And I have been finding it surprisingly difficult. 

If somebody asked me to list the things that I am generally grateful for, I wouldn’t struggle at all. 

Warm, cosy, fed - oh and a cat on the table!

I watch the news and there are daily reports of increasing numbers of people using food banks, struggling with the anathema that is Universal Credit and dreading the next knock on the door. So I am eternally grateful that I own my own home, I am warm and fed and the only knocks on the door are parcel deliveries or the window cleaner. 

He lurves me!

I have known times of hardship, and also loneliness but I now have a lovely husband who, astonishingly, loves the bones of me, despite the fact that these bones are better covered now than they have ever been. He doesn’t judge me and puts up with all my moods and grouches. Grateful? Of course I am.

I lurve them!

I am also lucky enough to have two children, two stepchildren and two adorable ‘step grandchildren’ who all get along, haven’t fallen out, still communicate with each other and with me. One of them even still lives at home - Okay, maybe not so grateful about that, but only because I know he would love to be financially able to move out! 

Loony, lovely family!

I am reasonably fit and well, despite my ongoing knee problems, and so are my family. We have had a couple of bereavements this year, but even these have served to draw us closer together through shared love and sadness.

So all told - and these things aren’t the half of it - I have very much to be grateful for. So why doesn’t it feel like it?

Stupid brain...

Primarily because my stupid brain finds it increasingly difficult to stop worrying about things that will probably never happen and prevent me living my life as I would like to. I am simultaneously convinced that my son is going to lose his job, my daughter is going to crash her car (again - she does have previous…), I’m going to run out of money, my husband is going to stop loving me, I have deep vein thrombosis / breast cancer / motor neurone disease…(delete according to the day of the week!) 
When I write all these things down, I can see how ridiculous, nay ludicrous they sound. But I can’t quieten my mind enough to focus on the simple things that I am grateful for and that make life worth living. I fully appreciate the big things - it’s the little things I need to work on. 

Stay awake for helpful tips...

I am currently listening to an audiobook sent to me by my daughter, who pretty much has me sussed. It’s called ‘The Worry Trick’ by David A Carbonell, and talks about how your brain tricks some people (me) into not only worrying about a variety of things that may never happen but also into worrying about worrying about things that may never happen. It’s been an interesting listen so far, and is making lots of sense about how anxieties affect your life. Haven’t got to the bit that offers any help yet though - I keep falling asleep! At least its helped my insomnia!

Fresh bed linen - another joyful, little thing...

I’m going to continue with #thankfulbedtimestories. I think it’s good for me to recognise little things in my life without contriving to be thankful for them. Hopefully, as time goes on they’ll become less food or drink orientated!

Sing along - you know you want to!

As I drove home from shopping yesterday, a song came on the radio that I was immediately thankful for - ‘Three Little Birds’ by Bob Marley. It made me smile, sing along and I was very grateful to Graham Norton for playing it! 

🎶Don’t worry about a thing, because every little thing’s gonna be alright🎶 

Wednesday 4 October 2017

So Much Better than a Bucket List...

©Rob Ryan
When did ‘bucket lists’ become a thing? Was it when the film of the same name was showing on the big screen? (Shockingly that was ten years ago!) Whenever it was, I was reminded of mine, for two reasons, last week.

  1. My lovely friend Eleanor over at The Salted Tail blogged about 30 things that she wants to achieve before she turns 30, next September (read her list here)
  2. I was facing a general anaesthetic last Friday, and that always focusses your mind on your own mortality - did anyone ever NOT think that they were never going to wake up?

I remembered writing a list of ’25 Things to do Before I Die!’(note the jaunty exclamation mark, showing that I don’t really think I’m going to die), so I asked my husband to find it on the depths of the hard drive and print it out for me. Turns out my bucket list is rubbish. It claims to be 25 things, but I only reached 17 on my list. 

Not exactly adventurous!
This adequately demonstrates my total lack of imagination and derring do! I must’ve written the list about the time of the film, because ‘Marry Brian’ was on the list, and I did that in 2008! To be fair, I have achieved 9 out of the 17 things, but some of them were not exactly challenging! Along with ‘Marry Brian’ was the separate item of ‘Move in with Brian’, which turned out to be one and the same thing. Also,’Sort out my facial hair’ was achieved, but now its all grown back, so I probably only deserve half a point for that! (FYI, nothing works, and I never go far without my tweezers!)

So, out of 17 items, I have realistically achieved 7.5 of them, and given that another one was ‘See Norwich play in the Premiership again’ - ticked off but not exactly down to me - I can probably only claim 6.5. In ten years…

I was there - I get some credit, right?
Now as I clearly woke up after my op, and I’m not planning on shuffling off this mortal coil anytime soon, I hopefully have plenty of time to work on the rest of my list. But it begs the question ‘If I’m that bothered then why haven’t I done them?’ 

The truth is, I’m not really a bucket list fan. I’ve done lots of things not on my list, which could easily warrant a place - going to the British Grand Prix,

Not on the list...
taking my husband to the Minack Theatre,

Not on the list...
taking the grandchildren to Legoland,

Not on the list...
getting my kit off in front of a camera - see, I must be up to 25 things now!

So not on the list!

It seems I don’t really need a list - I manage to do things without one, and the things I really love wouldn’t make it onto most people’s lists anyway. I’m not an abseiling, zipwiring, mountain climbing kind of woman. I enjoy seeing new places and experiencing new things, but I get just as much pleasure from an evening at home with my family, playing silly games or watching TV. Would this change if I were to receive news of a life threatening or life changing condition? Of course not - in fact I am sure it would make me want to cherish and spend more time with the people I love, and that hopefully love me. 

Should be on the list!
The print at the top of this blog sums it up for me: 
  • Can we? Shall we? One day very soon, let us go away together. Just you and me. Can we? Shall we? Call in sick one day and travel to the sea and hold hands all day. Can we? Shall we? Eat our sandwiches on the train. Get drunk on fresh air and come home tired and never tell anyone…Ever (Rob Ryan, 2011)

It makes me smile every day!

My daughter bought this print for me for my 60th birthday. It hangs on my living room wall and I look at it every day. For me, this is what life should be about - treasuring time with loved ones - partners, children, friends - and appreciating every single moment. So much better than a bucket list.

Who needs a bucket list?